A Joint Statement from Amanda and Council Bluffs

Even though we are both stubborn and technically enemies, we have decided to be temporarily allied in a joint effort against Skuffs and Rebekah. They will pay. No reason to be alarmed, the world will not stop turning and random wrestling matches will continue. He doesn't realize the pains and humiliations he has caused the two parties in thinking that he, a Moticellan, can come across the parking lot and inflict prankage. Step off!

Pitty Party

So I am throwing a pitty party for myself. It's already started so forget trying to come. Just so you know, you aren't missing anything. First there will be a little bit of heavy thinking that causes my ears to burn, and then I won't say anything for a while because what wants to come out of my mouth shouldn't. Once this party starts going, I usually try and pretend like nothing is wrong, but in all reality there is. But what really makes this party what it is, comes with the pretending when I get up and leave because I don't know what else to do. I wish I wasn't like this. It's the shy part of me that I usually kick to the side because it gets in the way that gives me the invite to the pitty party. There are two times in my life that I can't control the shyness, one is like instances like this when my emotions get the best of me and the other is when I am put into a new place and my bravery becomes mixed with being shy and I turn out to be snotty. Neither one of these characteristics are really becoming of a person. Maybe-I someday I will be a world ruler and being snotty will come in handy when I have to deal with people waiting on me hand and foot. When I am this ruler, things will look up because, my snotty-ness will be able to compel me to buy some friends, who will be required to always think about the way I am feeling and then....Well being shy will never be a problem. Or someone could give me a car, one that has a DVD player in it so I could throw more high class pitty parties.

Pillow Fights

So like kyle, I am writing to appease council bluffs so next time I see him he won't harass me about my "inadequate blogging skills." Maybe I will write something juicy to make up for the fact, and then it will also create a buffer for me. However due to the nature of the stories, I will have to withhold some information, it's true.

Little tid bits about Amanda:
I have definitely kissed more than one boy, more than two, three....Do I dare keep going?
(I will make cookies for the person that can correctly guess how many people I have kissed, rules being first guess wins, only one winner. Roommates excluded, they will get a few cookies for their inability to be able to play, or maybe because I have gotten in trouble lately I will buy some veggies and dip for them)

Bit #2
I have been told "I love you" before, and I shot the kid down with "uh...Thanks, I like you too"

Bit #3
On my first date I went ice skating for four hours. During this time, the kid, whom I met at a stake dance, wouldn't let me skate with anyone else except for him and we had to hold hands the whole time because "I had never been before and he didn't want me to get hurt." being only 16 like I knew what was going on, haven't talked to the kid since, even though he got home from his mission little while ago and he goes to the singles branch and talks to my dad frequently. This was the worst date of all time for more information-I take requests.

Bit #4
I have broken a few laws, once was on purpose, and the other I didn't know, but apparently in Idaho it's a felony. These are besides the usual I was speeding. When I was in high school, I would clean after basketball games and collect the pop bottles and take them "across the border" to Oregon where they are 5 cents a piece. My friends and I went about once or twice a week, we earned about $150.oo. Now there is a big ol' sign in walmart explaining that people that bring bottles from Idaho over to Oregon are not in accordance with the law-blah blah blah fine this blah blah. And the other one was for our senior prank on the school we had arranged to brake into the high school and let a bunch of pigeons go in there and poop all over. We had plans to put some feed all over the floor and stuff. Every thing went well the door propped open, until we couldn't catch enough pigeons so it was going to take longer to get enough birds. Anyway, I guess you can't catch pigeons and cage them in Idaho that is a big no-no. The end of the story as a side note goes, we went to go and close the door and I guess while we were out someone came and spray painted the school writing the class of 2004 all over the place and other unmentionable pictures. So the next day I got called into the principles office (this happened a lot) and questioned about it because the class pres. Usually heads the prank and so that was just great. So then the prank we were going to do was foiled and we couldn't do it because they had cops guarding the school for days, which was dumb because really, was someone really going to come back with their spray paint buddies and have another go? uh..NO.

Bit #5
I missed 28 days my first semester of my senior year and 26 the second semester. In my school if you are absent for more than 3 days you have to take finals for all your classes, I never took any finals. And, I only had trips half of those days, meaning there had to be another reason for being absent...........Which won't be revealed unless bribed, especially how I got out of it and got it excused.

Bit #6
I read two books for classes my entire high school experience. I was supposed to read about 15. I also got As on all the quizzes.

Bit #7
I was kicked out of class once and told not to come back in, so we played hockey in the hallway with deodorant cap.

Bit #8
Had a favorite makeout spot in the Ag Shop at school. Wood shop room.

Bit #9
I have been to a bar, the unexciting part is I just went in for the sake of going in. The even more unexciting part: due to the change in my age occurring in about a month I will be the new kid that can buy beer for people, (won't, they know that too, but it doesn't mean they won't try and ask) have to be a designated driver for a few people this upcoming new years eve, or I could stick with my original plan and leave them there! haha, they know I would do it too.

Bit #10
The longest I have gone holding a grudge against someone and purposefully not talking to them, nor trying to contact them was almost 7 years.

If this isn't good enough for you CB I can do better I am sure, but you are going to have to prove that you can whoop me in pillow fight, or tackle me and make me eat manure first.

Stalking is bad

nobody like people that stalk, and everyone should stop stalking eachother. That is from my advise corner of the day.

to your left you will notice my Mary Kay Shrine. For some odd reason that nobody knows about, I stalk the mary kay people and obviously they like it. This entry today was mostly posted in honor of my stupidity in being suckered into buy things that I like and not that of which I need.

So I am standing here, watching carrie, chelsea and sara cuddle with eachother carrie's bed. Luckily for me, my bed remains to be taken and I think I am going to keep it that way. Oh the awkwardness of chlesea's arm being taken over by carrie. Why is it always a competition with chelsea? First she like's carrie more than I do, and now her wall is better than someone elses, what is up with that, ug, give it up. I wish they would stop squealing, it's creapy. Kinda like stalking. One time I was in the periodical section using one of the computers really fast, you know the ones on the oval tables and this kid sits down and starts making comments like, "oh finals" and he is talking to me, but I just gave him a pitty noise and got up to leave. So the kid stops me and asks me what my name is, and of course my last name and why would I be smart enough to not say anything, i was just being friendly. Anyway to make a long story short, he then proceeded to ask "don't you live south of campus?....aren't you in the 23rd ward?...like on 7th and 7th?....You study on the second floor every day isn't that right?" Needless to say I was creaped out and when I was like "well I have to go" he says where are you going? and I replied "uh... up to another floor or something and then I walked out to the big stairs pretended to do something with my bag, checked to see if he was following me and then booked it for the door. I have never ran so fast in my life. I hate stalkers, why can't everyone just stop stalking and cuddling and caressing around me, don't they know that I am lonely, while I prefer my space, it just reminds me how noboy really cares what I do on the weekends, if I date anyone, or that I am not the chosen one to sleep with in this freeking room!*

*all of this is said with a large smile on my face because of course I think my roomates are a hoot!

Where is that simple life of mine?

Obviously this has nothing to do with my blog, but, I like posting with pictures. For anyone that cares, and that probably isn't many, this is Isaac my cousin and we were just having fun with the camera.

I had the craziest day, some things are really too personal to share but I will tell you that I did two good deeds today, one being I found a lunchbox and as much as I thought it was AMAZING, I gave it to the lost and found and the other thing was I didn't run over they guy in the cross walk, when I could have, I held back.

I was able to meet up with my RA from freshman year, randomly. We had a really good time catching up and I went and I met her missionary that just came home about a month ago. It's weird to have seen a ton of pictures and now, there is a real person to that guy. Nicole and I had a really good chat. I have been struggling lately with decisions I never expected to have to make. While these aren't life changing, I have had to learn some extreme self control and I really have to concentrate to make sure that I am consistent with the way I have chosen to handle the situation. While Nicole didn't know it, she was an answer to many questions I didn't know I had. This is why I feel my life is so complicated because I feel like I am having to catch up to it.

Lately I have felt very ignorant. It has come to my attention that I need to pay attention. Lately I have taken the stance of "nobody else REALLY cares what I do so I am just going to do whatever and enjoy other people, but they are too involved in their own lives that it doesn't matter what I am doing. This is not a negative thing, I just figure that I am a hard person to really get to know because I have a hard time trying to get to know other people. It's so strange that I will tell pretty much anything about myself if you just ask me, but I normally won't ask you. For those that I do ask, and have taken the time-the very few, There just seems to be something about you that I can cling to, and I really can't pin-point what that is. I am working on it though I need to be better about getting to know people.

That's all she "croaked"

Change, who needs it

I have a very hard time adjusting to new things. It's so crazy, but one of the hardest things for me to do is go up to someone and start a conversation. When I was younger, I didn't have a whole lot of friends and I lack in several social skills because of it. It's gotten better since I have gotten older but several things about relationships and other people still hold me back a little. For example: I laugh at everything, including myself. I think I am quite clever, but most of what I say, doesn't mean anything to anyone else and usually I just get stared at as if I lack mental capabilities. which is understandable, however I laugh at that too. One thing I have noticed about my social aspect of life is that I need other people. I have to have people spend time with me, and me taking time for them is how I show love. A little on that note is for the past 6 years I have had a best friend-always. Sure they have changed over time, but over all I have had one. I always have colin but that only counts half way because I need some attention imediately sometimes, I guess I am just having a hard time adjusting yet again. These last two years have been so crazy for me that I feel sometimes that I am so much older when it comes to some subjects. Like casual dating for me is just that, I don't get excited anymore about going out, or having delemas over boys, it's been a while since I have worried about it, mainly because I gave up or "Quit"caring years ago. I've noticed I don't flirt at all, and sometimes I am far to forward with other people because I just don't feel that spark. I love doing things with my friends and the new people I meet, but most of the time I just feel like the relationship I have with them will only be on the surface, I have such a weird past it's even hard for me to understand, I can't imaginewhat people think that try to get to know me. There are very few things I haven't done in life and I think that holds me back sometimes because I think everyone likes to feel unique and usually I did what they did, plus some. I am sure things will get better, and I have been working for a while to even stuff out in my life, but things are slow but sure and I enjoy the benefits I receive when I try and improve myself. maybe something great will happen this week.

Football Findings

Last night was the football game for Orem and Mountain View highschools, and as Graham is a football player for MV I was also there as well. It was a terribly sad game with score of 31 to 3 of course with Orem winning. But that is beside the point I want to express today.

When I go to these games with Colin's family, I enjoy them it's true, but I feel so awkward in that I am not a part of their family, but they always pay for me and buy me food. I also never know what his brother Alec is thinking, never nor his wife Melissa. I love them both, I think they are really funny and I think their daughter is adorable, but I just don't know how to act around them and I feel like I drop into this silent shy girl routine when I am with them. I dont' know, I am sure it will get better with time, especially when Colin comes back.

So I was talking to Colin's mom, and last night it really hit me that I am making a big decision to want to marry Colin and hang out with his family. Don't get me wrong I am still madly in love with him, it's just weird to think they will be my family someday and I am not sure that I really fit in with all of them. Last night though, his mom was asking me questions and telling me things about Colin and I and the way she feels about our relationship. She said one thing that I thought was kinda funny and I decided that I ofcourse don't spend enough time with them because she has no idea what I am really like, but she said that she thinks I am a happy person, all the time, and Colin isn't. Well he is very sarcastic and has a lot of dry humor, and he isn't very goofy. But I really love him for that. Anyway, she thinks that he is becoming a happier person because of his mission and he is with me and that made me feel good. But all of this talk about Colin and I, and how happy we are together really made me start to miss him last night, so by the time I got home I was in a really depressed mood, which was good because I got a lot done in my room, but I really wanted him to be there last night and he wasn't. So, I was totally out of it, which is a bad combination with speaking with people because I embarssed myself so much last night that I want to crawl in a hole. I tried to give counsel bulffs a children's book to look at thinking it was him that said he wanted to see it, and it wasn't it was his brother skyler. so when I walked in and said "I brought this for you" and he was really confused because here I am holding out a book about cows and he has probably talked to me maybe twice in my whole life. Then I played spades, but had no idea what was going on until the end when we were close to winning, they then had to explain how the game works. Basically I decided it was a good thing that Colin wants to marry me because doing crap like that isn't going to be appealing for anybody.

I QUIT

The I QUIT wall:

I quit life and then I made a wall dedicated to my new path. we created the quitting bench outside our apartment, and there we quit all the things that we were done tolerating. If nothing else it made me feel a whole lot better and I enjoyed writting down my frustrations and being able to laugh about them.

the real question is about quitting quitting. I want to know, can you really quit that, or is it an endless cycle.

For everything else, there's master card

This picture has nothing to do with anything I want to talk about except that I just wanted the blog to look like fun-meaning there must be more than words.

I am tired of bills, what the junk, why is it that I start to move out all month and I am never home and then all of the sudden I receive a bill for twice as much electricity being used than before. I wasn't even there to use it, those dang monsters that live under my bed did it and I don't want to take care of it. bah!

I had some J-Dawgs with Sara today, that was exciting, and we took care of Gavin's birthday present. I want what he is getting, it's pretty gosh darn good looking, maybe I will get one.

AHHHH! the bills are still driving me crazy. I think I am going to move into a cardboard box and stop living, I am pretty good at finding things in nature that I could eat such as toads and grass or whatver. Boo to bills, and blah to buying books for class.

It's crazy how much life takes swings at you and yet, it keeps going. I moved into a new apartment, and I have new friends and I quit one of my jobs, I am so behind on everything I wanted to do this summer, I hardly ever see my family. Let's be honest I never thought, EVER that I would be where I am now.

In the past two years my life has changed drasticallyI was supposed to be the small town story that has a high school love whom I marry after waiting for him on a mission and we forever live together in a small town. I never thought I would end up at BYU and be living here in provo, with the people I do. I never thought I would meet someone new, and I never thought that there might be life outside Fruitland Idaho.

I've been working for Dillards for the summer, making pretty good money, but wanting to shoot myself in the foot from boredom. While I was there I was offered a job by a guy that met me and thought that I was an amazing person. I took it, and now I work as a preschool gymnastics teacher. It's kinda crazy, but I really enjoy it. The kids are just great, and the people I work with are amazing.

It's weird to have a blog again, I have been so busy writting letters to Colin that I haven't taken the time to write, I also forgot my other username and password, so it's nice to start fresh I guess. This year will be the year of starting new, different, and I am excited to start new.