Change, who needs it

I have a very hard time adjusting to new things. It's so crazy, but one of the hardest things for me to do is go up to someone and start a conversation. When I was younger, I didn't have a whole lot of friends and I lack in several social skills because of it. It's gotten better since I have gotten older but several things about relationships and other people still hold me back a little. For example: I laugh at everything, including myself. I think I am quite clever, but most of what I say, doesn't mean anything to anyone else and usually I just get stared at as if I lack mental capabilities. which is understandable, however I laugh at that too. One thing I have noticed about my social aspect of life is that I need other people. I have to have people spend time with me, and me taking time for them is how I show love. A little on that note is for the past 6 years I have had a best friend-always. Sure they have changed over time, but over all I have had one. I always have colin but that only counts half way because I need some attention imediately sometimes, I guess I am just having a hard time adjusting yet again. These last two years have been so crazy for me that I feel sometimes that I am so much older when it comes to some subjects. Like casual dating for me is just that, I don't get excited anymore about going out, or having delemas over boys, it's been a while since I have worried about it, mainly because I gave up or "Quit"caring years ago. I've noticed I don't flirt at all, and sometimes I am far to forward with other people because I just don't feel that spark. I love doing things with my friends and the new people I meet, but most of the time I just feel like the relationship I have with them will only be on the surface, I have such a weird past it's even hard for me to understand, I can't imaginewhat people think that try to get to know me. There are very few things I haven't done in life and I think that holds me back sometimes because I think everyone likes to feel unique and usually I did what they did, plus some. I am sure things will get better, and I have been working for a while to even stuff out in my life, but things are slow but sure and I enjoy the benefits I receive when I try and improve myself. maybe something great will happen this week.