I had a great date last night. I ate some wonderful food, and I kicked everyone's trash in bowling. Sad because it wasn't a good night for my scores. I was pretty self conscious because my coughing has become something of "every time I walk too fast, breathe too deep or even giggle a little, *hack hack hack* all over the place. SICK! However, it was so nice because it wasn't awkward, he even addressed the fact that he thought I should cough harder because there was nothing wrong with it and he understood that I have been sick. He also told the story about how he and I met for the other couple that came. Well they asked how we met, I was about to say something, but he interjected and said "Amanda doesn't really know." I obviously was there so I was a little confused. He continued with. "one Sunday she was walking past my house and my roommates and I were on our way to church. She said hi to my roommate Travis and was really friendly. As she walked away I said to Travis 'wow! she is hot! how do you know her?' (travis told him that I was in his ward last year) then he finished with "let's go visit her tonight."
Maybe I am a sucker, but I was quite flattered. The rest of the night was just like that. I am trying to figure out if I am developing a crush, or I am just flattered by the attention, because I do like that. He is a political science major, so I had a lot of flashbacks to the beauty pageant times during the date because he liked to ask questions about opinions and random things. I felt a little unprepared as far as current events go, and I haven't decided who I like as a presidential candidate. He was very analytical and kind of obvious about it, so everything I said was being picked apart, much like a judge would for a pageant. but all in all I am excited for next week when I might get to do it again....
November 30, 2007
November 19, 2007
I am in the library, watching friends and waiting for my class to start. I had dinner in the terrace in the Wilk, and I didn't realize that the floor was so bouncy. That was really annoying.
I was taking this beastly test and then I finished early so then I started writing a blog to transfer from the paper to the computer. Then I was all paranoid because I might actually hand it in on accident as my test, that would be bad. So I threw it out.
I thought I had it bad....here is my grateful thought
There is a girl in one of my classes that just had her first baby and the professor announced in class that she is in primary children's because she keeps having continual seizures and they can't figure out why. I may feel like crap but at least it's not scary.
Since there happens to be a little bit of love in the air. (I guess those who don't know I have had some random experiences in the last week with some people from home to express what marriage and forever means to me. My crazy friends from home, they have lots of random questions. I will include an explanation in appendix b)
I am going to place the standards of who I want to marry. However one disclaimer, I say these things but I may be a hypocrite, and I am prepared to eat my words.
I need him to:
Call me
Him to initiate interaction
Him to hold my hand first
Him to come up with some topics to talk about
Him to put his arm around me
to email or text me, whenever
To tell me how he felt, no matter what
to get mad at me
Initiate a makeup
I need him to need me
Maybe I am just a traditional romantic in my mind and not outwardly. Sometimes I imagine being rescued from a dragon. Being fought for thrills me as well. However, as I have been told from other people, I would only like that from somebody that I already like. So maybe that should be a standard of mine. When I was in high school I was accused of being dramatic. (this actually had a story behind it, see appendix B) Not a drama queen but loving the thrill of a big show. Maybe the thrill of somebody stopping me and demanding my attention is something I can't help.
I was taking this beastly test and then I finished early so then I started writing a blog to transfer from the paper to the computer. Then I was all paranoid because I might actually hand it in on accident as my test, that would be bad. So I threw it out.
I thought I had it bad....here is my grateful thought
There is a girl in one of my classes that just had her first baby and the professor announced in class that she is in primary children's because she keeps having continual seizures and they can't figure out why. I may feel like crap but at least it's not scary.
Since there happens to be a little bit of love in the air. (I guess those who don't know I have had some random experiences in the last week with some people from home to express what marriage and forever means to me. My crazy friends from home, they have lots of random questions. I will include an explanation in appendix b)
I am going to place the standards of who I want to marry. However one disclaimer, I say these things but I may be a hypocrite, and I am prepared to eat my words.
I need him to:
Call me
Him to initiate interaction
Him to hold my hand first
Him to come up with some topics to talk about
Him to put his arm around me
to email or text me, whenever
To tell me how he felt, no matter what
to get mad at me
Initiate a makeup
I need him to need me
Maybe I am just a traditional romantic in my mind and not outwardly. Sometimes I imagine being rescued from a dragon. Being fought for thrills me as well. However, as I have been told from other people, I would only like that from somebody that I already like. So maybe that should be a standard of mine. When I was in high school I was accused of being dramatic. (this actually had a story behind it, see appendix B) Not a drama queen but loving the thrill of a big show. Maybe the thrill of somebody stopping me and demanding my attention is something I can't help.
November 14, 2007
Things I have learned lately
Maybe I am just having a really bad day, maybe I just need a time to focus on things that I should be grateful for. But here is a list of things that I have learned or have struck me with the "thoughtful" moment.
1. Breathing is an important part of life, when you can't breathe it sucks. I have never felt not being able to run or even walk a small distance, I may already have issues with my heart but I still can enjoy life.
2. There was an earthquake in Chili, my dad was in Chili....but everything is ok
3. You can't receive a liver if you have cancer, they frown upon helping somebody that has a good chance of dying over somebody else that isn't dying as much.
4. Meds do pack a punch in one little swallow.
5. falling down the stairs is really easy.
6. coughing can be a great ab workout.
7. when you cough a lot, you don't breathe out of your mouth thus keeping your mouth shut a lot, which makes you breathe through your nose, and then you get a sore throat-like I have.
8. No matter how old you get, somebody will always not pay attention in class and waste everyone's time.
9. If instead of trying to fix things the same way over and over, you should stop and try a new route because really the printer is a 1400 and not a 1400z amazing.
10. Asking for help is hard, accepting a compliment is also hard. Asking for help AND admitting you have a problem is hard too.
11. Keeping a secret secludes you from people, but telling the secret would embarrass you. sucks
12. Expecting good things all the time is a bad idea
13. Trusting people that disappoint you not a good idea either
14. setting a standard for someone else without them knowing will disappoint you too. That sucks too.
15. While orange juice isn't my favorite it's not that bad, I never gave it a fair chance.
1. Breathing is an important part of life, when you can't breathe it sucks. I have never felt not being able to run or even walk a small distance, I may already have issues with my heart but I still can enjoy life.
2. There was an earthquake in Chili, my dad was in Chili....but everything is ok
3. You can't receive a liver if you have cancer, they frown upon helping somebody that has a good chance of dying over somebody else that isn't dying as much.
4. Meds do pack a punch in one little swallow.
5. falling down the stairs is really easy.
6. coughing can be a great ab workout.
7. when you cough a lot, you don't breathe out of your mouth thus keeping your mouth shut a lot, which makes you breathe through your nose, and then you get a sore throat-like I have.
8. No matter how old you get, somebody will always not pay attention in class and waste everyone's time.
9. If instead of trying to fix things the same way over and over, you should stop and try a new route because really the printer is a 1400 and not a 1400z amazing.
10. Asking for help is hard, accepting a compliment is also hard. Asking for help AND admitting you have a problem is hard too.
11. Keeping a secret secludes you from people, but telling the secret would embarrass you. sucks
12. Expecting good things all the time is a bad idea
13. Trusting people that disappoint you not a good idea either
14. setting a standard for someone else without them knowing will disappoint you too. That sucks too.
15. While orange juice isn't my favorite it's not that bad, I never gave it a fair chance.
November 10, 2007
Getting kicked in the shin hurts
I hate feeling helpless. Most of the time I feel helpless I feel like I have been kicked in the face and am so shocked and disoriented I can't think of what would be the best thing to do. Here are a few things I feel helpless about.
1. being sick. this isn't just any kind of sickness, Sometimes I will cough and start to gag enough that I choke. During my choking I think to myself, any min I could die because I can't breathe right now. Really every time this has happened I have been ok, but I still feel out of control.
2. School. No matter what I am inadequate as far as my work goes. I turn everything in feeling as though it's the best I can do but knowing that it won't be good enough. There is nothing I can do about that.
3. My car. I know nothing, except how to drive it and change a tire- I think.
4. My computer. We try to get along, but most of the time I am confined to what I already know because I don't know how to really explore all of the possibilities that "Todd" can do for me.
5. Social life. For the last who knows how long, I have suffered from lack of talent in making friends. I can make friends and be friendly to everybody, but as far as creating a long lasting well kempt friendship, I suck. I will forget, or be too busy or become impatient. It also hinders me from approaching people because I lack the nerve.
6. Decisions. In the past few years I have made some decisions, the basic decisions you would be expected to make. Go to college, find a job and whatnot. However, I have been working on bigger decisions and I am tired of deciding something and then having it not work out. I year ago I decided to not go on a mission and now I am regretting it, I should have gone.
I should have stood up for myself, I should have reserved my feelings I shouldn't have allowed myself to trust. I am now working on the next big thing, moving. I have been throwing this around for a few years now, but I held off because of reasons I will not name. In nevada if you sign up to work as a special ed teacher there they will pay for your education to become certified
that is pretty appealing and now, really what have I got to lose. I am starting to look into it.
7. Service. I really enjoy thinking of somebody else and doing something for them. It makes me happy to see them happy. However, sometimes I get shot down, or I get an attitude, or it's obviously the wrong thing (like making walnut cookies for someone that is allergic to walnuts.) and then I feel useless. like I can't make it better, as though one little mistake has set me at "retarded"
status for the rest of my life. A million good things won't do anything for a stupid one.
8. Reputations. Other's gossip, comments and opinions can not be helped.
9. Not Knowing. Always feeling as though there was something else going on that you didn't know about.
10. Love. you can't control it, it's not properly defined and love stinks but you have to have it be be happy. That's like giving somebody a cow pie cookie. There is only one chocolate covered cherry in there but most bites bring..eewww...then there will be one bite to beat them all. You can't help but eat the manure to get to the good stuff.
I don't know, I will think of more, it's late and I can't sleep because I have so much on my mind, I can't breathe properly and I am sick and tired of trusting things only to have them consistently fall apart, every time. Thanks Lil' for helping me do something new today, at least I have that.
1. being sick. this isn't just any kind of sickness, Sometimes I will cough and start to gag enough that I choke. During my choking I think to myself, any min I could die because I can't breathe right now. Really every time this has happened I have been ok, but I still feel out of control.
2. School. No matter what I am inadequate as far as my work goes. I turn everything in feeling as though it's the best I can do but knowing that it won't be good enough. There is nothing I can do about that.
3. My car. I know nothing, except how to drive it and change a tire- I think.
4. My computer. We try to get along, but most of the time I am confined to what I already know because I don't know how to really explore all of the possibilities that "Todd" can do for me.
5. Social life. For the last who knows how long, I have suffered from lack of talent in making friends. I can make friends and be friendly to everybody, but as far as creating a long lasting well kempt friendship, I suck. I will forget, or be too busy or become impatient. It also hinders me from approaching people because I lack the nerve.
6. Decisions. In the past few years I have made some decisions, the basic decisions you would be expected to make. Go to college, find a job and whatnot. However, I have been working on bigger decisions and I am tired of deciding something and then having it not work out. I year ago I decided to not go on a mission and now I am regretting it, I should have gone.
I should have stood up for myself, I should have reserved my feelings I shouldn't have allowed myself to trust. I am now working on the next big thing, moving. I have been throwing this around for a few years now, but I held off because of reasons I will not name. In nevada if you sign up to work as a special ed teacher there they will pay for your education to become certified
that is pretty appealing and now, really what have I got to lose. I am starting to look into it.
7. Service. I really enjoy thinking of somebody else and doing something for them. It makes me happy to see them happy. However, sometimes I get shot down, or I get an attitude, or it's obviously the wrong thing (like making walnut cookies for someone that is allergic to walnuts.) and then I feel useless. like I can't make it better, as though one little mistake has set me at "retarded"
status for the rest of my life. A million good things won't do anything for a stupid one.
8. Reputations. Other's gossip, comments and opinions can not be helped.
9. Not Knowing. Always feeling as though there was something else going on that you didn't know about.
10. Love. you can't control it, it's not properly defined and love stinks but you have to have it be be happy. That's like giving somebody a cow pie cookie. There is only one chocolate covered cherry in there but most bites bring..eewww...then there will be one bite to beat them all. You can't help but eat the manure to get to the good stuff.
I don't know, I will think of more, it's late and I can't sleep because I have so much on my mind, I can't breathe properly and I am sick and tired of trusting things only to have them consistently fall apart, every time. Thanks Lil' for helping me do something new today, at least I have that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)