Getting kicked in the shin hurts

I hate feeling helpless. Most of the time I feel helpless I feel like I have been kicked in the face and am so shocked and disoriented I can't think of what would be the best thing to do. Here are a few things I feel helpless about.

1. being sick. this isn't just any kind of sickness, Sometimes I will cough and start to gag enough that I choke. During my choking I think to myself, any min I could die because I can't breathe right now. Really every time this has happened I have been ok, but I still feel out of control.

2. School. No matter what I am inadequate as far as my work goes. I turn everything in feeling as though it's the best I can do but knowing that it won't be good enough. There is nothing I can do about that.

3. My car. I know nothing, except how to drive it and change a tire- I think.

4. My computer. We try to get along, but most of the time I am confined to what I already know because I don't know how to really explore all of the possibilities that "Todd" can do for me.

5. Social life. For the last who knows how long, I have suffered from lack of talent in making friends. I can make friends and be friendly to everybody, but as far as creating a long lasting well kempt friendship, I suck. I will forget, or be too busy or become impatient. It also hinders me from approaching people because I lack the nerve.

6. Decisions. In the past few years I have made some decisions, the basic decisions you would be expected to make. Go to college, find a job and whatnot. However, I have been working on bigger decisions and I am tired of deciding something and then having it not work out. I year ago I decided to not go on a mission and now I am regretting it, I should have gone.
I should have stood up for myself, I should have reserved my feelings I shouldn't have allowed myself to trust. I am now working on the next big thing, moving. I have been throwing this around for a few years now, but I held off because of reasons I will not name. In nevada if you sign up to work as a special ed teacher there they will pay for your education to become certified
that is pretty appealing and now, really what have I got to lose. I am starting to look into it.

7. Service. I really enjoy thinking of somebody else and doing something for them. It makes me happy to see them happy. However, sometimes I get shot down, or I get an attitude, or it's obviously the wrong thing (like making walnut cookies for someone that is allergic to walnuts.) and then I feel useless. like I can't make it better, as though one little mistake has set me at "retarded"
status for the rest of my life. A million good things won't do anything for a stupid one.

8. Reputations. Other's gossip, comments and opinions can not be helped.

9. Not Knowing. Always feeling as though there was something else going on that you didn't know about.

10. Love. you can't control it, it's not properly defined and love stinks but you have to have it be be happy. That's like giving somebody a cow pie cookie. There is only one chocolate covered cherry in there but most bites bring..eewww...then there will be one bite to beat them all. You can't help but eat the manure to get to the good stuff.

I don't know, I will think of more, it's late and I can't sleep because I have so much on my mind, I can't breathe properly and I am sick and tired of trusting things only to have them consistently fall apart, every time. Thanks Lil' for helping me do something new today, at least I have that.