Communication

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the way we can communicate with others and the world and how even with the chatting and texting and phones and emails and faxes and messages and voicemail, all I have to say it seems as though talking face to face is the hardest.

Maybe it's because expressing ourselves in front of others is intimidating. Maybe we prefer to be passive aggressive and leave notes and texts so we don't have to front our worst fear of actually talking to each other.

I have a hard time letting people know how I really feel, especially in the moment. However, I also find that every once in a while, I have an issue with it and I can't help the tone of my voice or the comment that I make. This happened to me just the other day. Maybe it was because I was already stressed about recent events, but my tone of voice really ratted me out in the way I felt. And even though the other person got that I was upset, I still am bound by that aforementioned fear of having to confront the way I actually feel and I feel like I shouldn't have let that part of myself go, I should have been stronger.

I want to be the one that can be independent, or that is so strong words and actions can't break down the wall. Sometimes the knowledge that everything will work out just isn't enough, I still let little things get to me. I had to make a list of things that have been bothering me. Some of these were the way I have been treated lately, or the situations I may be dealing with. What bothers me the most about this list that I made was, there isn't any quick fix to any of them. So I have resolved to just pray for more patience, understanding and perseverance. Perhaps having a stronger store of these three things will make it easier to communicate and I can feel like I have control over my life again.