i felt like what I posted before was a little too much information, so I modified it and took out some incriminating stuff so other people don't really know who I am talking about. That way I can anonymously vent, and feel better as I don't have anyone to really talk to.
Whew, by the time anyone reads this my moment of need will have passed and it won't matter anymore. Yeah Idaho was great, kind of, being with my family was really great. Maybe it's car rides that make me angry but man I really wish I had somebody to talk to.
When it rains it pours...
So I am at home and my sister has a break down because she has no friends and she broke up with . so that was hard because she was really hurting.
My brother needed some help so my first night home I was up all night with him finishing this cell project for one of his classes, those pictures are to come.
and then I get this text from to say that we needed to talk. So calls me to ask if I am mad at , and well I wasn't. I really am just frustrated with the whole situation really. Mostly because it just seems like my friend bank in that area diminished. I was so excited for everyone to come home and then it didn't work out so well for me. It seems like I am avoided, that may not be the case. But I am afraid to call anybody.
So then my brother forgot his cell project key, so I had to take it into the school for him. I get there and drop it off then I get in the car and I pull off in front of the gym and throw the car into park (still running) and go give somebody a hug. wouldn't you know, freaking officer pulls up like he is going to give me a ticket, gets out of his car and sees that I am not a student, clearly as I am not wearing any of the "school uniform" that they have, which I am angry about that too. So the just says, "this isn't a parking spot" while he walks off as though he had to check something out in the gym. No, he thought I was a student and he was going to do something illegal, like give a ticket for no reason, but I was right there. bucket head.
So I didn't say anything to my family about because I have been working hard lately to make sure they like , and there isn't anything for them to be angry about. not that they would be mad, but they don't agree with what's been going on in the past year. So basically I had to pretend that I am not having a hard time, when I really am.
Then, for church, I show up, and nobody will look at me. Just a few people, like the bishop's wife, and people that know me really well because freaking has messed up and I am sure everyone thinks bad things about me because he can't keep it under control. or I had to tell them that I wasn't engaged-for the second time since I moved away, then I get this pitty, "awww don't worry it will happen for you" kind of comment like it's so sad that I haven't lived up to their expectations.
And then my is doing terrible. He is supposed to waiting to be put on a donor list for a new liver because he is really sick. My is like my dad. I am only a few years younger than he youngest sons, and he treats me like a daughter, almost as though I was his favorite sometime. I am mostly upset because last I hear he is waiting to get on the list, but I know I haven't been told a lot of what is going on. As a temple sealer he has said that one of things that would make him happiest is to marry , and I. As it is, that isn't going to happen at all. I guess I don't know what to think about it. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. But maybe typing it will make it all better, I kinda feel like I am telling a lot of people, but like I said before, not many people read this very often so I don't think I have much to worry about.
So then I have to drive home by myself and I feel like crap and my hip hurts really bad so I had to stop a lot so I could walk around. I feel like an old lady. and of course my thoughts are getting the best of me so I am just letting my mind go wild about everything that is bothering me. so by the time I got home, I really wasn't feeling very good. Actually I purposefully tried not to say much to people because I was afraid of saying something mean.
Then I dropped my dang computer, because the bag strap broke.
And I just wish things were different.
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