So what George?

I feel like I have been having a bad day-for a few weeks now. I even dream about having bad days and not being able to get things done. It's like I get so close and then something happens and I have to start over. For example: last night I kept having dreams one right after the other that kept contradicting one another. To top it off in each dream I would have a goal or project I was working on and when I thought I was going to pull it off, something subtle like seeing people pass in a car would upset the whole thing and I then would have to re-think what I was doing. Why is it when I am supposed to be resting, I am not. Kyle and Alan always talk about sleeping as a for of fast-forwarding, however over the last week my sleep has never been longer because I can't seem to escape.

I have been working at the middle school lately with some behavoral students. It's a special ed class so of course there are learning disabilities we are trying to work with as well. Today one kid kicked the crap out of another kid in gym class because kid 1 (by law I can't use their names) thought kid 2 hit him with a ball on purpose. Well kid 2 didn't really know what was going on and the cool part of the whole situation was instead of fighting back as usual, kid 2 ran away. however he has a terribly beat up face and he is in a bad mood and if I were him I would want a nap. They really are good kids most of the time and I like spending time in the classroom. Today one of the aides that comes in brought the ring he was going to propose with and then we got in this dicussion with the kids....

Time out: there is a girl next to me trying to use a floppy disk at one of the computers...am I just confused or did they not take those drives out like over 3 years ago? I feel bad because I wanted to tell her but she got up and left. Besides I was so confused because it seems like ages since I have seen a floppy disk.

....about conflicts and Leslie was talking about her and her husband and how they deal with conflict and then Talmage started being really sarcastic about he and his wife so then the kids asked me if I got into fights with my husband and I told them I wasn't married and one kid says "oh, huh...well do you have a boyfriend?" I said no and he then says "well then who do you fight with" the whole time thinking to myself "dispite my current relationship status, I have never had more conflict in my life." So I was deamed the loser teacher because I am not married nor dating anyone. It's really neat to work with these kids because at first they think I am just like the rest of the teachers that only come in for a few hours, stuck up and uninterested. However, the more I work with them the more they figure out that I really care about what they are doing. For example: so far I have been assigned to work with two kids more than the others individually for their homework. So they know I know some of what they like to do and what their skill level is and that I am proud of them. So today I was talking about how I had a portuguese test and when I left they genuinely wished me luck without me having said anything about it for a while, I guess my point is I am slowly getting "in" with them so they don't think I am the bad guy....

Time out: Samwise Gamgee goes to BYU I just saw him.

...like I said, they are good kids, they just need some good examples. I am lucky I get to work with them dispite the fact sometimes events that occur, like today, really shake me up a bit.

When I was little I was a really good kid. I guess it happens when you don't really have friends. But I used to be terrified of the kids that would cause trouble. I know I would hold a grudge against them because they couldn't follow directions and I didn't get how that was possible. So when I first started I remember feeling the same way, just annoyed this was all going on. I know I kind of felt better than them because I knew how to behave. However, boy I have been humbled. These kids have hard lives, and they are tried in many ways that I am blessed not to struggle with. I don't have crappy parents, I don't have a drug problem or do I have to be on medication because my hormones are imbalanced. I can read and comprehend with ease and I am not teased about imperfections I can't help. I don't have to work really hard to control my thoughts and I am not beaten, ever. If anything these kids are far better than me.

Moving on. I am going to the ballet tonight, and lucky for me, I have tickets to the game on saturday. I am SO excited. I might even paint my face. I love basketball and it has been years since I have allowed myself to really enjoy a game. (I have a problem where I get really worked up about basketball games because I get so into them, when I was little I would get so angry or excited I would have a heart episode. Needless to say, I had to quit playing to save my sanity)
My dad coached high school when I was little so I have been around basketball my entire life. I learned to take stats at a very young age, and actually I enjoy it. I miss doing them, I took stats for the boys team when I was in high school. One time I came home during college to visit and I went to a game where the person who takes stats had an emergency so they asked me to do it. oh boy I felt so important! I feel like this is random boring stuff so I will quit, I guess it doesn't matter if anyone reads it so I take back my appolgy. So what if you don't like it, it's your fault for reading.